Because one of the most difficult "managerial moments of truth" managers tell me they struggle with is giving corrective feedback, I decided to create a new seminar solely devoted to this and... a quick "Tip Sheet" too. Here's the tip sheet.
- Sugar coating negative feedback because you’re afraid the person will get too upset and defensive. Result? They don’t get what you’re trying to say.
- Caving in or backing down because the person is getting upset.
- Avoiding the conversation until you’ve “had it up to here” and now are in a frustrated, take-no-prisoners state – which results in them instantly getting defensive.
- Stating what you’re unhappy about without offering a clear picture of what you want them to do differently.
- Plowing forward with an action plan without first getting agreement about the problem.
- Giving positive feedback without specifics (e.g. “You’re awesome”, “You do such a great job!”)
- Mistaking excuses for valid reasons - allowing the former and shutting down the latter.
- Waiting for the once a year performance review to give feedback.
- Using vague judgments without specific examples and concrete, sensory-based language. Common examples are terms like “more of a team player”, “more service oriented”, “more helpful”, “more professional”. Labels without examples leave people feeling helpless about making changes because they don’t know what specifically you’re unhappy about.
- Controlling the airwaves so they can’t disagree or make excuses – i.e. making it a monologue instead of a dialogue.
- Sandwiching your negative feedback between two positives: “I really appreciate how hard you work Sam, but…. Your quality levels are really poor and need to be improved… and I like it that you’re always on time."
- Delivering a long warm-up preamble before giving the negative feedback: “I really appreciate what a team player you are and I really love your attention to detail and I think you’re doing a great job with…”
- Using blunt, provocative, or shaming language to make a point: “I would think that it’s a no brainer…” “That train has left the station, so let’s move on, huh?”, “We’re all grown-ups here.” (said in a shaming tone of voice), etc.
- Pretending to agree and then disagreeing: “I can see why you feel that way, but….” This pattern is especially good at triggering defensiveness and shutting down when it’s delivered with a vocal intonation that rises to a crescendo just before the “but” part comes.
- Winging it. Making an assessment or judgment without thinking through possible angles and getting all the facts. Few things spark resentment than feeling unfairly criticized.
- Using humor to make a point. Some humor – used VERY judiciously – can lighten the tone. Using sarcasm or “just joking” comments to make a point (“Oh, you’re on the 8:23 to 4 PM shift? Now?”) is not such a good idea.
- Interpreting their intention: “I know there’s tension between you and Sarah because she got the Team Lead position you applied for, but…”
- Use a “one size fits all” approach to praise, rather than tailoring it to the personality style of the individual you are praising.
If you would like information on the seminar, email me at David@HumanNatureAtWork.com
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